Thankful Thursday: he never stops, he never ever stops

happy thankful thursday to you!

i've been intentionally staying away from thankful thursdays recently
but today i'm biting the bullet
so here goes nothing

one of my favorite worship songs is

 "blessed be your name"

its an extremely simple and slightly repetitive song

but i think that's why i like it so much
it's straight to the point

and over the past couple weeks there is one line of lyrics from that song

that keeps replaying over and over in my head
when i'm washing the dishes
when i'm laying in bed
when i'm working

"you give and take away, you give and take away" 

the past few months have been beautiful
so very very beautiful
filled with excitement and newness and beauty and wonder
then there was a day when everything shifted
directions were changed and rhythm was broken

the past couple weeks have been unexpected to say the least

a few months ago i never thought i would be

where i am right now
i never thought i'd be

picking up the pieces of a failed relationship
dealing with different disappointments and let downs
struggling to find anything positive about where i am
i never thought i'd be writing a post about all this

 over the past couple of days i have been reminded that

everything i have belongs to the one who provided me with them

all are provisions given to me by my heavenly father

finances

jobs
security

talents and abilities

the roof over my head

cars

family

relationships

he most certainly gives and gives abundantly

and on occasion he does take away

in the past couple weeks i have lost things

things i held dear

 things i truly did care about

things that in my selfishness and entitlement

 i held onto tightly and labeled as "mine"

well it took losing them 

to realize none of them were actually mine to begin with

they were gifts that were given to me

and that were intricately created by 

 the hands of the lord

it took a painful break up

to realize the man i "lost" was never actually mine

he belongs to the lord just like i do

the relationship we had

it was never mine

rather it was a beautiful gift that was given to me
 for that specific moment in time

it took losing material possessions that i daily rely on

to realize they aren't mine and never have been

{and also to remind me who is really orchestrating my finances}

they are all provisions that were given to me

things in no way i deserve

and yet i feel entitled to

it took a week of laying in bed 

sicker than i've been in years

to realize that my body and my health are not my own

they are in the hands of my creator

good health is truly a gift

and something that is so easily taken for granted

so here it is plain and simple

 nothing is our own

&

 god is good

when he gives 

he is good

when he takes away

he is still good

he knows us

he knows what's best

and it's in the moments he takes away

he swoops in and does something that only he can do

he restores

he fixes

he heals

he reveals how much he wants us

and how much he wants us to experience abundant life

i get so caught up in what i've lost

i become blind to the fact that god is still working

because in what we see as loss god is still giving

guys he...is...still...giving

he never stops
he never ever stops

yes the lord has taken things away in the past couple of weeks

but in the past couple of weeks

i have never experienced more love and grace 

from my friends

i have never felt so deeply cared for 

valued

and affirmed 

{things i don't deserve}

god is radiating through my sweet friends

he is restoring my brokenness through his provisions

he is once again proving to me

that he is the most important thing

that i need to be willing to give up and let go of things i hold dear

{because they aren't even mine}

for him

for his will

for his plan

because he is good

always

period

today i am thankful for so much
for starters

i am thankful for

friends who are patient with me

friends who deeply care for me

friends who listen

friends who hold me when i'm hurting
friends who put there hands on me to let me know they are there
visiting friends i haven't seen in years

trips to san fransico

hikes in berkley

engagements
celebrations
glasses of wine and downton abbey

snuggles from my puppy

watching my nephew learn how to smile

sleepovers with my niece

making terrariums

playing with flowers

conversation over beer and scrabble
that at any given moment i can walk into a room and see gracie asleep like this
{my dog is a total freak}

friends who are persistent

friends who speak truth

friends who take care of me when i'm sick

trips to orange county

meeting with brides

morning coffee on the patio with margo

wedding dress shopping 

face timing with far away friends

making big decisions

taking chances
gods protection
planning a year full of weddings

spur of the moment trips to sequoia national park

long car rides with friends

i am thankful that 

god gives

takes away

restores

and provides

 just as the song says
 god you give and take away
but today
my heart will choose to say
 blessed be your name