//Thankful Thursday//

happy thankful thursday friends

truthfully

this feels weird

sitting and writing this post

it's been an awfully long time since i've done one of these

it feels foreign

so if you're reading this

 forgive me for my jumbled and completely messy

thought process

this month is the one year anniversary

 of moving home

i know right?...

a whole year

wasn't i just moving out of my apartment?

and moving away from these precious girls?

it's odd because it really does feel like just yesterday

but at the same time 

 it feels like a distant dream

a year ago i thought that a year from then

{present day}

i would most certainly have my life figured out

well here is the honest and ugly truth

the past year has been a struggle

actually it's been a raging battle

it's been a lot harder than i ever anticipated it to be

i have never felt more alone

i have never been more uneasy about my future

i'm constantly fighting off thoughts

that i am a failure and a disappointment 

to my family 

to my self

to my god

but

in all those completely unnecessary

thoughts and emotions

holy crap batman

i'm learning so much about things i never thought i would

God is truly blowing my mind

if i were to sit here and list everything God is walking me through

we'd be here for days

heck

for weeks

for the past year all i've done is compare myself

 to those around me

my siblings

my friends

people from church

the people who come in to my work

pretty much anyone i guess

and it makes me miserable

as a girl i know comparison is something we struggle with

we do it so much

that most of the time we don't even know we are doing it

recently it has been becoming more apparent to me just how much time

and energy i waste comparing myself to others

it's ridiculous

here is what i'm currently walking through

god has created me {and you} to be unique

to be different from every other person on this planet

my story will be different than everyone around me

i will do different things

i will make different choices

and i thank god for that

how boring would it be if we all led the same lives

so this is my life

i'm unmarried

i have no children

i live with my parents

i'm starting my own business and i'm scared

i make tons and tons of mistakes every day

and i have no idea what today

tomorrow

or this next year will bring

i am a 26 year old independent woman

and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that

nothing

i'm learning to see that my life is an exciting adventure

with nothing holding me back

im learning that what's good for someone else might not be good for me

and vice versa

i wish i could say that because i've realized how much

i compare myself to others

that means i no longer do it

but it's a daily struggle and fight

{and i know i'm not alone in this}

so today i am thankful for

1 full year of living at home

that my life is unique

that YOUR life is unique

that we all have our own stories

for a job and a paycheck

getting to do flowers for weddings

spur of the moment trips

visiting slo

that this girl is getting hitched

weddings

dinner dates with my brother

lunch dates with my dad

visiting friends at work

visitors at my work

late night swims

trips to the getty

the LACMA lights

third wheeling it 

with these two crazy kids

donuts and champagne

monday night girls nights

midnight flower arranging

waking up to the sound and the smell of rain

movie nights

the people i work with

the little girl at my work who told me i was beautiful

the time spent with my small group

my new running shoes

that next month i'll be flying to utah to run a race

a dad who lets me use his car until i find a new one

gardening

coffee

post it note messages

hugs and kisses from my niece

holding my nephew

wearing flowers in my hair

 and that there is a God who is guiding and directing my life

so let's hear it

what are you thankful for today?....