Thursday, September 11, 2014

//Thankful Thursday//

happy thankful thursday friends

this feels weird
sitting and writing this post
it's been an awfully long time since i've done one of these
it feels foreign
so if you're reading this
 forgive me for my jumbled and completely messy
thought process

this month is the one year anniversary
 of moving home
i know right?...
a whole year
wasn't i just moving out of my apartment?

and moving away from these precious girls?

it's odd because it really does feel like just yesterday
but at the same time 
 it feels like a distant dream
a year ago i thought that a year from then
{present day}
i would most certainly have my life figured out

well here is the honest and ugly truth
the past year has been a struggle
actually it's been a raging battle
it's been a lot harder than i ever anticipated it to be
i have never felt more alone
i have never been more uneasy about my future
i'm constantly fighting off thoughts
that i am a failure and a disappointment 
to my family 
to my self
to my god

in all those completely unnecessary
thoughts and emotions
holy crap batman
i'm learning so much about things i never thought i would
God is truly blowing my mind
if i were to sit here and list everything God is walking me through
we'd be here for days
for weeks

for the past year all i've done is compare myself
 to those around me
my siblings
my friends
people from church
the people who come in to my work
pretty much anyone i guess
and it makes me miserable
as a girl i know comparison is something we struggle with
we do it so much
that most of the time we don't even know we are doing it
recently it has been becoming more apparent to me just how much time
and energy i waste comparing myself to others
it's ridiculous

here is what i'm currently walking through
god has created me {and you} to be unique
to be different from every other person on this planet
my story will be different than everyone around me
i will do different things
i will make different choices
and i thank god for that
how boring would it be if we all led the same lives

so this is my life
i'm unmarried
i have no children
i live with my parents
i'm starting my own business and i'm scared
i make tons and tons of mistakes every day
and i have no idea what today
or this next year will bring

i am a 26 year old independent woman
and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that

i'm learning to see that my life is an exciting adventure
with nothing holding me back
im learning that what's good for someone else might not be good for me
and vice versa

i wish i could say that because i've realized how much
i compare myself to others
that means i no longer do it
but it's a daily struggle and fight
{and i know i'm not alone in this}

so today i am thankful for
1 full year of living at home
that my life is unique
that YOUR life is unique
that we all have our own stories
for a job and a paycheck
getting to do flowers for weddings
spur of the moment trips
visiting slo
that this girl is getting hitched

dinner dates with my brother
lunch dates with my dad
visiting friends at work
visitors at my work
late night swims
trips to the getty

the LACMA lights

third wheeling it 
with these two crazy kids

donuts and champagne
monday night girls nights
midnight flower arranging
waking up to the sound and the smell of rain
movie nights
the people i work with
the little girl at my work who told me i was beautiful
the time spent with my small group
my new running shoes

that next month i'll be flying to utah to run a race
a dad who lets me use his car until i find a new one
post it note messages
hugs and kisses from my niece
holding my nephew
wearing flowers in my hair
 and that there is a God who is guiding and directing my life

so let's hear it
what are you thankful for today?....

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