Letting Go{d}

Want the truth?

This timid and shy young woman is stubborn.

There, I said it.

I am stubborn.

I am set in my ways.

Once I have something in my head,

it stays there and it must be lived out.

Even knowing something isn't good for me,

I can't let go.

I can't let go of hopes, dreams, desires that I've had for so long...

I can't ever fully give things over to the Lord.

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It's crazy how since I have been doing work in ministry, 

I am becoming more and more aware of areas in my life that need growth.

Everything I have been trying to hide is slowly making it's way to the surface,

for everyone to see.

In the past few weeks God has been challenging me.

Challenging me to let things go.

Completely.

He is in control.

Not me.

It was a couple weeks ago that I did something I've never sincerely done before.

I prayed what some may call a very "dangerous prayer".

I prayed for change.

To be changed.

I prayed to fully let things go.

I prayed for God to do whatever He wants in my life.

 I am not finding any satisfaction in my stubbornness.

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I'm ready to move on.
I'm ready to let go.

I'm ready to put things behind me.

I'm ready for whatever adventures the Lord has waiting for me.

And I am so ready to be set in His ways,

not my own.

Thankful Thursday

 A very happy Thankful Thursday to you!

Today, I am thankful for my supporters.

I don't want to brag or anything, 

but I have the greatest team of ministry partners.

God has blessed me beyond belief with each and every one of you.

I spent months praying that the Lord would build up a team to join me in this journey.

Once again God delivered.

Each and every one of you are so unique,

and play such a specific role in this ministry. 

You each are a very special answer to my prayers.

Thank you.

Thank you for your prayer and support.

Thank you for stepping out in faith.

Thank you for coming along side me.

Because of your trust in God, 

students are hearing the Gospel and coming to know Christ personally.

 To the supporter's I've known a while,

to the supporters I've met a few times,

and to the supporters I still have yet to meet.....

I want you to know that it is not just today, 

but EVERYDAY that I am thankful for you. 

You bring me so much joy.

This video is for you!

Campus Crusade for Christ -- Christmas Thank You from Masterworks on Vimeo.

Thankful Thursday

Happy Thankful Thursday to you!

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I missed last Thursday.

My bad.

It was kind of a crazy week.

Today, I am thankful for prayer.

More specifically, How the Lord works through prayer.

God's been showing me recently through very specific instances,

that my prayer life needs some serious help.

God desires to know our hearts.

And He is teaching me how to truly share my heart with Him.
All of it, including those parts I try so desperately to ignore.

I'm learning to pray BOLDLY.
I'm learning to ask God for specific things.
And I am learning that God truly answers.
If you ask God to change you and challenge you.
He will.
Oh goodness, He will!

I am thankful that we serve a God who desires to hear from us.
Who desires to know our deepest desires and our struggles.

I am thankful that the Lord is giving my prayer life a makeover.
I am thankful that He is showing me new things about who I am in Him.
I am thankful that He is challenging me and refining me.
I am thankful that prayer is powerful.

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“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened".

{Luke 11:9-10}

What are you thankful for today?

Friend Spotlight: The Floridian

Meet Margo.

She is one of my (new) roommates.
She is beautiful, tenderhearted, passionate and a HUGE blessing in my life.

Margo and I actually met on skype,
back in May when she was living in Paris.

I kept getting emails and Facebook messages
from mutual friends that we were learning we had in common.
Suggesting that I pursue her as a roommate.
Telling me we have similar interests,
that we would really mesh well together.
It was after just one time of skyping
we decided to do it, to be roommates.

She is originally from Florida (the land of Tim Tebow)
and this is her first time even being in California.
Her and I both work as interns for Cru.
She works in the PSW Regional Office and I work on campus.

It has been so fun to get to know her over these past couple months.
To see how the Lord is growing our friendship.
How He has broken down walls and
allowed for openness and vulnerability to enter in.
How we are learning to pursue each other.
How to love one another.
It is through Margo,
that the Lord is really teaching me the value of pursuing relationships.

Our mutual friends were right.
We do in fact have a lot in common.
We have very similar personalities, life experiences and passions.
Yesterday we got to spend some time meandering through some Live Oak forests.
It was cold, but absolutely beautiful!

There was talk about life.
God.
Growth.
Family.
Plants.
The Future.
And yes, of course there was some intermittent talk about guys.

I love that Margo and I share the same adventurous spirit
and the same passion for the Lords magnificent creation.

The fall colors were brilliant.

The red Pyracantha berries brought us some Christmas spirit! 

There were moss covered rocks.

And walls of ferns!

I wasn't the only one taking snapshots of ferns...

(I'm teaching her well).

We also made some friends with a group of deer!

It's so exciting to be able to share moments like these with my roommate.

Moments where it's just us and the Lord.

Moments where we can grow together.

Margo, I am so thankful the Lord has brought you here.

That He has us walking together through this season of life.

I am blessed by you.

Know that you are treasured.

Thankful Thursday

Happy Thankful Thursday to you!
I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Today, I am thankful for good books.

I find it strange that this is something I'm actually thankful for.

I am not someone who typically likes to pick up a book and just read it.

I always thought I hated to read.

This is how it normally goes...

Someone I know tells me I need to read a certain book.

 "Rachel you have to read this, it's a total Rae book."

I shrug my shoulders and brush it off. 

Whatever, I don't like reading.

Typically it's multiple people,
over a period of time that try to get me to read something.

And eventually I give in and read whatever it is.

 Every time, I end up loving it.

Most recently it was "The Hunger Games".

People have been telling me to read this for a while now.

I NEVER wanted to.

Who wants to spend time reading about kids being forced to kill each other?

Um, how morbid and upsetting is that?!

Oh but, it's not at all what I thought it to be...

I'm really not sure how it happened, but I finally gave in.

And of course I loved it.

I read it in less than 24 hours.

And I'm the world's slowest reader,

so obviously I liked  loved it.

Time for book #2!

I really enjoy these types of books.

Books with stories I can see clearly in my mind,
I love getting to use my imagination.

Books with characters that I can relate to in some way.

Books with adventure, that leave me itching to know what's next.

Books that get me excited.

And of course books with some sort of romantic tension....

Yes, The Hunger Games had it all.

A little side note-

 The main character was very well versed in the plant world...

I was sold pretty quickly on that one.

Naturally.

So, I am thankful for good books.

Books that make me want to pick up more books and read.
I'm also very thankful for the people who talk me into reading them all!

Maybe I've actually been a reader all along.....

Thankful Thursday: Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving fell on a Thursday,

how convenient is that?

A very Happy Thanksgiving to you!

Today I am thankful for coffee dates with my best friend.

(Especially when Starbucks has their holiday cups out).

I really don't know why going to a coffee shop,

being bundled up, 

sitting across from your best friend

 and sipping on a cup of coffee is so wonderful.

It just is.

Jodi.

I haven't seen my best friend in 5 months.

That's the longest we've gone without seeing each other

since we've been friends.

Yesterday, we spent hours sitting in Starbucks.

Chatting and catching up on life.

Exchanging "Auntie" stories.

Discussing matters of the heart.

Reminiscing about our dorms days.

Talking about our new lives and new jobs.

Thank you God, 

for best friends and for delicious coffee.

And that combining both of them makes for a perfect afternoon.

What are you thankful for on this beautiful Thanksgiving day?

The Many Adventures of a Cru Intern

 Life post college has been insane.

Finals, graduation, packing, moving home after 5 years.... 

...raising support, finishing support, moving again....

...new roommates, new city, new (and first) full time job, 

and starting a whole new life.

One second it's June and now it's almost December.

Seriously?!

Every now and then I think to myself, 

"Wait, what the heck is going on?"

"Did all of this really happen?"

I have been in need of guidance and wisdom
on how to deal with all this transition,
as well as time to process all that has happened.

This past weekend I got to spend some time with these wonderful people...

Meet all of the Cru interns in the PSW region!

We had our intern briefing this past Sunday and Monday.

It was so great to come together as interns, 

celebrating what God has done and is doing in our lives and on our campuses.  

Ok, I'm not going to lie.

I was so tired from the two conferences that were back to back with this one

that I went into intern briefing with a pretty bad attitude.

Ok fine, a really bad attitude.

And to top it off I'm shy,

it's really hard for me to constantly be meeting tons of people.

I was emotionally and physically drained.

Honestly, I did not want to be there.

Thankfully the Lord whipped me into shape real fast.

He was able to use this time to completely 

refresh my soul .

He always knows exactly what I need.

It was so wonderful to be around people who are going through

the same transitions and dealing with the same things that I am.

I loved getting to be with old friends...

Alex.

Heather.

Kami.

All of us Cal Poly Alums.

I loved getting to make new friends....

My wonderful discussion group.

Kelly.

I  loved getting to spend time with my roommate,

who is also an intern! 

And I loved that we spent time giving thanks to the Lord 

and praying together as a group.  

Our abundant blessings.

My soul was refreshed.

And for the first time in a few months,

I felt no loneliness.

It was truly beautiful.

I absolutely love my job.

Thankful Thursday

Happy Thankful Thursday to you!

Today, I am thankful for these awesome people....

My parents.

God continues to show me how much of a blessing and

 gift they are in my life.

I am so thankful that I have a dad who will 

make time in his busy schedule, while visiting,

to change the oil in my car,

replace my old tires, and then top off my gas tank.

All before church on Sunday morning.

For a dad who sends me text messages that just say, "love you more".

I am thankful for a mom who will make extra food when I'm at home

just so she can send it back with me.

Who always makes sure I never go hungry.

A mom who will spend an afternoon taking me fabric shopping

and help me reupholster my dinning chairs.

Thank you God,

that I have parents who would do anything for me.

Who deeply love me.

Who disciplined me when it was necessary 

and gently cared for me when I was fragile.

Who established a household whose sole purpose is to serve the Lord.

Who pray for me and with me, even before I arrived into this world.

Who support me in all I do.

Who are patient with me when I am learning lessons in life.

Who set such a wonderful example of a Godly marriage.

Ok, honestly the list could go on and on.

God has blessed me with such wonderful parents.

There are no other parents in this world 

who would be better for me than they are.

God uniquely created us for each other.

I am so thankful for them and for our relationship.

I can't wait for how it will continue to grow as time goes on.

Thank you God,

for fan-flippin-tastic parents who mean the world to me.

Thankful Thursday

Today,

 I am thankful for my two (left) feet.

I may be a little "klutzy" or "clumsy" but, I am thankful that I have....

Feet that can walk.

Feet that can run.

Feet that can dance.

Feet that can feel the earth beneath them,

 the coolness of grass and the warmth of sand.

Feet that have their very own, unique footprint. 

Feet that lead me on wonderful adventures.

Feet that can take me places I've only dreamed of.

Thank you God,

for blessing me with two (almost) fully functioning feet.

What are you thankful for this Thursday?

Thankful Thursday

Confession:

I am an ungrateful person.

Sure, I'm thankful for things that the Lord has provided and created.

But I never truly take enough time to thank Him,

to give Him all the glory that He is worthy of.

Seeing as how we have entered into the season of Thanksgiving,

I'm officially implementing Thankful Thursdays into this blog!

In hopes that it will carry on even after Thanksgiving has come and gone.

I have definitely been feeling challenged in this area of my life recently.

My hearts desires to give God the praise He deserves.

But once again, I always seem to fall short.

His blessings are abundant in my life, and I deserve none of them.

Today, I am thankful for Grace.

For the grace that God has poured out onto my life.

I say this all the time, but it is true. 

 I fall short, everyday.

Both in my walk with God and in my relationships with others.

It is because of Grace that I am not held captive by my failures.

It is through God's Grace that I have a personal and intimate relationship with Him.

Thank you God, that I am saved by Grace through faith.

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace."

-Ephesians 1:7

Happy Thursday to you!

Transitioning

I never thought I would say this.
Literally never.

But...I miss my life in San Luis.

I don't miss school and I don't miss living there.

 I miss the relationships and the community I had.

Especially this group of young women...
Thursday nights were the best nights of the week by far.
Coming together to be in the Word and build one another up.
This bible study got me through a very hard year.

Love this study!

I was in such a rush to get out of SLO,
 to move on with my life
and to leave behind the 5 years of grueling obstacles

 that were attached to my academic career...

that I didn't stop to think about what life
was going to be like without community,
without those amazing relationships.

Like the relationships with these wonderful women.
Who each played a huge and very specific role in my life and growth this past year.

Oh and then there are my Horticultural gals.

I could be nerdy with them all day and all night long.

In fact, I was.

We were busy doing nerdy plant things by day,

and trying to finish our senior project by night (all night).

I was with them all day every day.

I really miss them.

Dani, Beth, & Carrie.

5 years together.

I'm going to be honest.

Transitioning has been really hard on me.

A lot harder than I was expecting.

I have been emotionally, physically and spiritually drained for weeks.

Trying to figure out this new life of mine.

A new life where I am working a full time job in ministry.

Where I am no longer a student.

Where I am constantly surrounded by people who do not know me.

Where I know no one.

It is crazy that I can be surrounded by people all day long,

but feel completely lost and lonely.

I have to laugh.

God faithfully raised all the support I needed.

Then instantly I am back to trying to rely on myself.

And I am once again brought back to my knees,
having to fully rely and trust God.
A place I should always be.
But seem to always fall so short.

Despite the difficult transition, I want to say that I do love it here!
I love my roommates.
I am loving my new church.
I absolutely love my job.
I love that I get to openly pray and spend time with God at work.
I love that I get to share Christ with students.
I love the women I get the honor of discipling.
I love my freshman bible study.
I love my staff team.
I truly admire my discipler and I love that she pushes me and challenges me.
And I love that I'm learning new things about my Savior daily.
Just to name a few things.

Knowing full well how faithful our God truly is,
I know that in time He will provide me with the community I need.

I'm honestly so excited to see what He has in store.
I'm excited to see how He will build, grow, and cultivate relationships.
I know building relationships and community does take time,
but I know that they will be worth waiting for.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven"

-Ecclesiastes 3:1

Meandering Around Mammoth

October is almost over.

Summer feels like ages ago,  where on earth does time go?!

My summer was challenging (to say the least).

There was not much I enjoyed about it.

BUT...

Amidst the stress and pain (physical, mental, spiritual) of support raising,

the Lord provided me with the perfect little pick me up.

He knows me so well,

He knows exactly what restores my weak and achy soul.

This summer I was able to spend two weeks up in the Eastern Sierra's with my family.

It's a summer trip I've taken every year since I was born.

So many memories up there.

The sights, the smells, the secret places, the hikes, the plants, I love it all.

God's personal touches are everywhere.

A gentle reminder of the majesty of our creator.

Give me a pair of hiking boots and I could run around the mountains for hours, days, weeks...

It's up in the Sierra's, where I come alive!